Pre-Valentine's Day Declaration
As Valentine's Day is fast approaching and I find myself (once again) without a date, much less someone really special in my life, I decided that my reflection would be a little different this year. Instead of moping and wallowing in my own self-pity about being alone, I'm gonna celebrate a few things.
1. I am blessed to have been in love once before; it was a wonderful experience. Even though it ended sadly, I wouldn't take it back for anything. At the risk of sounding cliche', it is definitely better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. 2. I might celebrate Valentine's Day with the person I should love the most - MYSELF. Might sound cheesy, but it's true. No one can love me better than me. And how will anyone ever know how to love you if you don't know what it feels like to love you? Feel me? I can say that since last year, I've gotten better at it. 3. I am proud of myself for putting up with only a minimal amount of bullshit. I'd rather be alone than to settle for some of the men that have crossed my path. At a time when it was easy for me to fall into the need for validation from some a-hole, I did not. Man, that feels good, and that feeling can kick Loneliness' ass.4. I was brave and took risks this year. Even though I have been burned before, I didn't let that keep me from getting out there and seeing what was up. Sometimes, there is just no chemistry, and there is nothing you can do about that. But I would never walk into a store and a buy a dress before I see every dress that store has to offer me. Dating sucks, but alas, is unavoidable for one who has love to give.5. I can look at couples around me, and be happy that they have love in their lives. I have a lot of friends getting married or have gotten married recently, and I can honestly say, I have a healthy admiration of what they have. They really give me hope that all is not lost. 6. I know the difference between being alone and solitude. Everyone needs solitude. It allows me to date myself. You can't love someone you don't know, and what better way to get to know someone than to spend some time with them. So I learn to enjoy spending time with me, and getting to know me better. Plus, I'm a cheap date. ;o) 7. I can rely on other relationships in my life and realize that there is a great deal of love there as well. Thank goodness there is more than one kind of love!I am still human; I am still trying to find that perfect medium between A Woman Scorned and Woman With Heart On Her Sleeve. Until I get there, I'll continue to celebrate and proclaim every epiphany that comes to my mind, so everyone can see how much I have grown.
Back In The Day...
The other night, I was talking to a dear friend of mine about what it would be like if we had grown up together. Then we started telling tales of our lives in high school and elementary, and I was overcome with a feeling of warm nostalgia. Oh, the phases I have gone through! I thought it would be fun to take a little trip back. I won't make it a tag, but I would love to read something like this from my fellow Bloggers!
Kindergarten - 1985I was five years old, and had been given the official title of Mouth of the South. I was a Chatty Cathy! I loved school. I had an imaginary friend named Dudabug, and I wrote a song about her that I would sing to my mother everyday when she picked me up from daycare. For show-and-tell, I would memorize commercials and say (or sing) them word for word in front of my class. Sometimes I would do tv theme songs from my favorite shows! I still had a slight lisp and my c's sounded like t's, and my l's sounded y's. My speech has come a long way since then!
5th grade - 1990It was my first year at the performing arts school. I loved it! I also had my first boyfriend - we went together for all of Math class, and then I broke up with him because he gave me a gold bracelet, then told me I had to give it back before the end of the day because it was his sister's. My friends and I founded the Car Club - I was Pretty Corvette, and my best friend was Pretty Porsche. We had matching folders with pictures of our car and our car names on them. My neighbor and I also had a club called The Dead Bug's Society, where we would find dead bugs and give them proper funerals. If business was slow, we would just kill one, and then give it a beautiful funeral.
10th grade - 1995I was a sophomore in high school. I was never caught in public without make-up and my signature Fuschia lipstick on. I was pretty popular - plays, show choir, student council, peer mediators, Model UN - I even did the morning announcements. I had a lot of friends, and we had so much fun. We sang during lunch, just like the kids in
Fame. For fun, my friends and I would get a ride to the mall, go to the movies, or have slumber parties. We would go to my house and have karaoke contests and make up code names for our crushes. My friend TJ and I would tell each other romance stories that would give Harlequin a run for their money! I had the lead in one of the school plays, and I had my first real high school boyfriend. He would let me wear his jacket and meet me by my locker to kiss, and he was a horrible kisser! I'm sure he's better now. I was also dieting every week, counting calories, and at 5"9 and 115 lbs, thought I was a cow. I always wore flowy dresses, tights and Blossom hats. And even though my boyfriend couldn't kiss for shit, he was the first boy to make me feel pretty.
To Be Continued...
I've Been Tagged!
I actually have already done this, but I'll repost some of my answers in case there are new readers. Here is how it goes:
The first player of the game starts with the topic, "5 weird habits about yourself". People who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits, as well as state this rule clearly. In the end you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged, and link to their web-journals. Don't forget to leave a comment in their blog/journal that says "you have been tagged" and tell them to read yours.
- I love inappropriate music. The nastier the lyrics, the better. I am one of those people that supports the artists' original vision, no matter how raunchy. I can do without the corny blank spaces and bleeps and such. I'm grown, and I can handle it.
- I talk to myself...a lot. I sometimes have to catch myself on the train so people won't think I'm crazy. Also, so I won't attract other crazies. I was once told that talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence...
- When I was little, I used to eat butter! And mayonnaise, and icing, and anything that is not supposed to be eaten without the support of other food. I still can be found with my finger in a tub of icing, cookie dough, and caramel sauce.
- I have a wide knowledge of television theme songs. I mean, I can sing every lyric too, not just hum the tune. I used to do them for show and tell at school; a different one every Friday. And when I got tired of that, I memorized commercials and recited them word for word.
- I have OCD when it comes to my bed covers. I cannot STAND messy bedcovers, I don't care what went down. I have serious issues when folks tangle themselves up in sheets and comforters. Drives me nuts.
Alrighty, kel, DivineLadi, JMama, TheChosenOne, and Fuego...you've been tagged! Don't worry, if you don't get to this post, I'll remind you. Can't to read it!
My New Year's No-Solutions
Ok, at first I was gonna make a list of New Year's resolutions on this post. I decided against it, because I remembered - I never follow them. So this year I came up with No-solutions. These are things that I would like to change, but may have no control over or they have to resolve themselves.
And I'm keeping them to myself. I found that when you tell people things you plan to do, you are immediately responsible for the plans. Even though I believe in reserving the right to change your mind, some people don't, and I don't feel like justifying anything, and quite frankly, don't feel like hearing their mouth.
This is the year of taking it all in stride. I have worked and driven towards certain goals, and have been busy preparing myself for what lies ahead. So now, I sit back, take care of me, and wait. No more "solutions" to too many problems that I can't and shouldn't try to fix, be them mine or anyone elses.
Patience is a virtue. And in 2006, I will practice it dilligently. That is my New Year's No-Solution.
Happy New Year
Well...it's finally 2006. I'll be signing important documents 2005 untill at least mid-February. But I am so excited for what this new year has to offer.
I rang in the New Year at a very crowded party. I was aggravated untill about 11:45, and then I rang in the new year with a good friend of mine. Had a few drinks, and danced the night away. It was tough getting in; I thought maybe Biggie had come back to kick it for 2006! Security was tight, and I was getting manhandled left and right. Just when I was ready to start throwing some bows ATL style, I got the VIP nod (after about a thousand people with regular tickets had already gotten in) and hustled my way in. The DJ was great, so he saved the night.
This year, I haven't decided whether or not to come up with resolutions. I usually never keep up with them, and I make new ones through the summer. So this year, I would like to thank God for my health and well-being. I'm alive, well, not starving, and of pretty sound mind considering the year I've had. But no stepping into the new year focusing on the old and negative. I say bring it on, 2006. I'm ready. I've had a whole year to prepare and I'm ready.
Since living in New York, I've heard people say that most New Yorkers, at any given time, are always searching for at least one of three things: a place to live, a job, and a significant other. I'm claiming all three for 2006, but I'll take two out of three. (Obviously, the job and apartment take precedence - sp?) But we shall see...it's a new year folks...
