SoulSurvivor

Forward March...Past My Inbox, Please

I HATE FORWARDS.

I really do. I would say that out of the 500 I get a day, maybe two of them are worth reading. I hate when I get them from people I talk to everyday, because I feel like it's one of those things that should just come up in conversation. "Hey, I got the funniest e-mail the other day..." If it sounds interesting, I'll request that you forward it to me.

And I should limit people to one forward a day. Sometimes I get four forwards from the same person. I just want to ask them, really? Are you serious? You read all four of these and thought to yourself, man, she would really benefit from reading ALL of these...

And if I haven't talked to you (and when I say talk, I am including personal e-mails with real messages written by YOU) in a while, do not send me forwards. If I don't want my friends to send them that I talk to regularly, you definitely have not earned the right to send junk to my mailbox!! Can I get a hi, or how are you before you send me what somewhat else sent you, that someone else sent her, that someone else sent him? Sorry, but forwards do not count as keeping in touch. If I do not recognize the address of the originator; null and viod. You're still distant.

Here are some tips and things to remember for those of you that are victims of FF (Frequent Forwarding):

if you see more than one FW's in the subject line , delete it.

God will not hate you if you don't send a Seven Minute Prayer to 80 of your friends. Jesus, Mary and Joseph never used a computer to pray, so you don't have to either.

Chain letters through e-mail are a load of bull dookey. I got one that said it had been passed on since the 1800's - because, you know, everyone checked their e-mails in between duels and croquet matches. WTF?!?!?!

You will not die a horrible and untimely death for not forwarding an e-mail to 97 of your friends.

You will not be a spinster for the rest of your life for not forwarding an e-mail.

You will not get pricked by an HIV-infected needle from a movie theatre seat or by sticking your finger in a coin-return slot of a payphone.

They are not recalling your deodorant or hair products because they cause cancer. "Hey, instead of spreading this important news through CNN or some other news-worthy outlet, let's just send it to some random person and ask them to forward it!"

You will not receive a gift certificate to your favorite restaurant by simply forwarding e-mails about it. That's just common sense, people.

Bill Gates is not ever, ever, EVER going to give you any of his money for forwarding e-mails about Microsoft.

If you receive an e-mail with "This really works!" in the subect line; guess what. It doesn't.

Beware of e-mails with things like this in the title:
" I'm a Brownie"
"I'm Carrie Bradshaw"
"I'm a cat"
"My score was 56"
It's a dumb ass test that will tell you absolutely nothing about yourself. And to top it all off, if you don't send it 43 people within 2 minutes of reading it, you will have bad luck for the next 50 years.

And last but not least, if you are victimized by an FF, please do us all a favor, and let the cycle stop with you. I'm still alive, and if I had let those deleted chain letters decide my fate, I should be have been involved in some traumatic accident like being stomped to death by a goat, not have had sex for the last twenty-five years, and had God banish me to eternal damnation for not spreading his word (complete with a powerpoint presentation) to at least 98 of my internet buddies.

So the next time you feel the need to include my e-mail addresss on your all-inclusive trip to the Land of the Forward list, do me a favor: don't.

Now forward this blog to at least 1,256 of your friends.

posted by DramaQueen @ 12:00 PM