SoulSurvivor

Ahead of Time

Arrested Development...Tribe Called Quest...Digable Planets...

Musically speaking, these people, in my book, were not as successful as they could have been because they were ahead of their time. Their sound and style is being emulated by tons of artists today. But back then, people just weren't ready for them.

Lately, I have been feeling frustrated and stressed out over decisions that I am being forced to make - about my life, my career, etc. Most people tell me I'm young, I have plenty of time so there is nothing to be stressed about.

Of course this goes in one ear and out the other. My response: they have no idea what's going on in my head. The thoughts that are swimming, often racing, through my mind about 70 different topics per minute, each with it's own worry attatched to it. It's given me a two-year headache.

I was sharing these woes with a friend and mentor of mine, and she said something turned a light on in my dim and foggy mind. She said that the reason I was so frustrated was because I was ahead of my time, and before I know it, I will catch up with myself and everything will be fine.

Hmmmm......

This makes so much sense to me. I'm not sure they realize this, but people will tell me that I am SO mature for my age, and in the same breath tell me to quit worrying and stressing out about my life; I'm young and I have PLENTY of time.

My mature mind doesn't see all of this time, as most physically mature minds don't.

I have an old soul; my grandmother used to tease me and say I was 5 going on 35, or seven going 37.

And I feel like I'm 25 going on...???

The problem is, my soul and being has a mature spirit, but my mind still often processes things as a 25 year old - I feel older, and cannot properly portray that in my life as a whole, because I am not, in fact, older. Enter the frustration.

People see me as a 25 year old and feel me as much older...and often don't know what to do with it. This is especially inhibiting in my career as well as relationships. Enter the stress.

And I am running, running, running, even faster now, to try and catch up with myself. I feel like a female version of Maniac Magee.

And I am tired.

One day my soul and my being will catch up with myself, and I will be at peace.

That is, if 'myself' ever stops running.

If not, then I will forever be in Arrested Development, searching for Digable Planets. Maybe I'll join a Tribe called Faith, throw caution to he wind, and just Be.

posted by DramaQueen @ 12:52 PM