Unanswered Booty Call
I never post twice in one day, but I am about to spit BB's I'm so pissed.Here is a little back story for you: There was a guy. We'll call him Nick. I met him in a bar. We talked; the brotha seemed intense. I was immediately attracted. He called me a few times, I called him a few times - we were having a hard time connecting. So he stopped connecting. Every now and then we would run into each other at the mutual hangout; I would get a late-night phone call, just to talk. Then it stopped. Whatever, I wasn't disappointed or anything. I figured he just wasn't feeling me. Months go by. A cordial hello when I see him. a few phone calls. Then no phone calls. Cut to about a half an hour ago:
1:30 AM
Me: hello?
Him: Hey, what's up?
Me: Hi. How are you?
Him: Chillin', chillin'. What are you up to?
Me: the same. Just watching television. A little late for a week night, isn't it?
Him: I ain't got shit to do tommorrow.
Me: Oh, I see. So...what's up?
Him: Nothin. What's been up with you lately?
Me: Yeah, it has been a while...
Him: Same ole?
Me: yeah, pretty much.
Him: So, I was hoping I could see you.
Me: Ok...wait, tonight?
Him: Yeah, like now.
Me: Oh, I'm in for the night. I'm in my pj's.
Him: I just wanted to swing through, you know, see you for a minute.
Me: You wanna come over here tonight?
Him: Yeah...I'll sleep on the couch, so it's nothing like that...
Me: Naw, I don't think so.
Him: I can't come see you?
Me: Nick, are you really calling me at 1:30 in the morning trying to come over here?
Him: I just got back in town tonight. I just got back into Brooklyn just a little while ago.
Me: I just saw you last weekend.
Him: I went out of town. Look, I'm not trying to come over and start nothing, I just wanted to chill.
Me: I'm not saying that..it's just...
Him: (cutting me off) So...no? Alright, cool. Alright. I understand. (sarcasm here)
Me: I didn't mean to be accusatory.
Him: It sounds like it.
Me: Well, I didn't mean to be.
Him: Well, get some sleep. I'll holla atcha later.
Me: Goodnight.
Him: yeah.
You know, I forgot I had that sign on my forehead the last time I saw him...you know, the one that reads "Stuck On Stupid" across the front. Seriously? Men never cease to amaze me. We haven't gone on so much as one date, I have never even seen what you look like in daylight and you are going to call me at 1:30 in the morning to come over here and chill?!?!?!?!
Wow. I haven't heard from this brotha in over a month. And when you decide you want to hang out with me, it's during booty call hours. NO ONE has good intentions at 1:30 in the morning, I should know. That really pissed me off. Not that he tried to come over here, but that he actually thought I would think he wasn't going to try anything. I am so much better than being somebody's 1:30 am company.
I sweated this guy, too. I thought he was so nice, and I really wanted to get to know him. And he evaporated from my life; his choice. Then had the nerve to give me attitude when he couldn't come over and crash on my couch a month later. Which, by the way, we all know he had no intentions of doing.
Ladies (and gentlemen if it applies), please speak on this if you think I overreacted. Am I just being an ABW (Angry Black Woman)? I really liked this guy at one point. We always called each other to see if we can connect and hang out, and now when he tries to, I say no.
Enough of Devil's Advocate, fuck that.
Sprint should offer a special Booty Call Block; I'd pay extra for that. Even my voicemail would have rejected that bullshit.
posted by DramaQueen @ 2:04 AM
13 Comments:
Dramaqueen--I've been reading your blog for sometime now. It came highly recommended by one of your friends, but I have to give it to you straight. Dramaqueen, please go and get on a therapist's sofa. Your girlfriends and friends are doing you and themselves a disservice by not telling you the truth. They all think that what you are saying is so profound, it isn't. You are just as ordinary as anyone else, not special. I guess because you are an actress, they all want to handle you with kid gloves because they want to be in your life "if" you become famous. None of these issues you are addressing are unique, to you, they are just everyday life circumstances. Life happens, just like shit happens, and it's happening to you. For all your blogs, you seem to think that you have something important to say, to everybody, you don't.
How old are you anyway? You sound about 25-27, someone on the cusp of real womanhood. That age when women start to get some semblance of what it means to be a woman and all the bullshit that comes with it. By now, a mature woman would know that if a man calls her at 1:30am, it has nothing more or nothing less to do with someone wanting to come over and sleep on your couch. He wants to come over get some shit out of him, in you, go to sleep, then get up in the morning and say, "thanks, for letting me use your vagina and body for my release." Stop using your friends to work out "your" life. They can't give you any real answers because they are trying to work out their own dysfunctional lives. Pay the money and get a therapist, it's your life, and don't you think your life is worth it to "you." Stop thinking your life is so important to everybody else.
I've been reading your blogs, so I know that you are intelligent, you can write and articulate your thoughts, from what you say, "you are beautiful," so why haven't you taken that next step and invested in putting yourself at the center of "your" universe by sitting down and talking to someone who will be getting paid to be honest with you.
As I was reading your previous blog regarding your fear of growing old, without a man, and owning porn, I thought this young lady is in trouble. You are just beginning to live life. You might be setting yourself up for "becoming a lesbian." Why would I say that? Because I've been reading your blogs and all the evidence is there. Dating with no success of having a long time (committed) relationship with the kind of man you want, fear that you might not have someone in your life, and all the other bullshit you talk about, and if you are not careful, some woman will come along and seduce you into homosexuality, and you, thinking you know everything and have something important to say about everything, are a prime candidate for trying something new and different. so do yourself a favor and get yourself some "real" help before you find yourself in "real" trouble.
wow...you must be God himself to think that you have the right to come online and ANONYMOUSLY judge me. I don't care how many of my blogs you have read, you don't know me.
First of all, this blog is not for my friends, it is for me. They have the option to read it and respond to it just as you did. A blog to me is like an online journal; I should be able to post my thoughts freely. Now you are entitled to your opinion, whoever you are, but you are throwing out a lot of accusations for someone who doesn't even know my real name.
Who are you to diagnose therapy to me? And how do you know I am not already in therapy?
I never, ever said in any of my blogs that I was special; I can only speak about my experiences; I can't control how my friends and other readers respond to me.
Your response was judgemental, ignorant, and to say the least, rude. I hope that you don't think you have said anything profound either, although your response does give me comfort that to know proufound is to be profound, neither of which you have aquired. If you don't think my friends are telling me the truth, what makes you think I will take the alledged truth from a complete stranger who doesn't know anything about me?
So basically, if you think my blog is such bullshit, do me and everyone else who reads it a favor: stop reading it.
How coward of you anonymous not to show who you really are. The only person that can pass judgment on her is her creator and you are not him. I also think that you are probably someone that DQ knows. Stop being a coward and show yourself. Chances are we might know you to. There are a lot of things that you said in your comment that have been discussed in private among her friends that you mention. It really makes me wonder. You didn't need to respond to her blog, which is her thoughts and opinions,if you didn't like it you should've stopped reading it. Show yourself coward!
Definitely incapable of being anything but anonymous. I too have been reading Dramaqueens blogs and never once came away thinking that she knew the answer to everything. You obviously are missing the answers to lots of things yourself. Blogs are free expression, if you don't like the message surf to the next blog. Go spew your negative predictions on some other poor unsuspecting soul. As someone way past 25 I wish I had the personal insight if Dramaqueen when I was her age and the guts to express it with such aplomb. From your excessive negativity I would guess that you are more in need of a therapist than Dramaqueen. Go be anonymous somewhere else please.
Now that all of the well written responses have been posted, let me weigh in with this: only bitches anoymously post farfetched ramblings sprinkled with homophobia.
Anon, it sounds to me that YOU are the one who needs couch time and I in total agreement with Divine Ladi, believe you are someone she knows and you should stop pussing out and be adult enough to air your opinions (that have no credence here at all) as the ginormous weiner that you are.
Not as the anonymous loser you clearly are.
keep ya head up, DQ!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
wow! i, too, am going to jump to my friend's defense here. i don't even know what to say to you. i know you know dq. you have done a terrible job of concealing that. you have issues with yourself and you feel the need to project your negative feelings on other people. i feel sorry for people like you. you don't have the guts to fix your own life. you definitely don't have the guts to stand behind what you speak because you posted anonymously. why bother posting? i don't know who you are, but next time i suggest you be a man/woman about your shit and come correct or else don't fucking come at all. and no, I'M not posting anonymously.
Of course you handled yourself correctly with that guy DQ. What goes on after 11:00 everyone knows. Keep lettin em' know!!!! Unfortunately some men think that some women will thank their lucky stars if someone is interested, regardless of how he treats them. He obviously thought that you were someone else calling you at all hours of the night. You are better than me, I would have ripped him a new A$$hole. But it is always best to be mature. I am working on that.
Anyway, on to anonymous. That is some STR8 UP BULL for you to post ignorant and uneducated comments on someone's blog. at least have the guts to give your reasoning behind your thoughts. If she is so unimportant and special, than why in the HELL did you feel the need to read her blog? There is my issue. All I can say is DQ is a special person and it has nothing to do with her being an actress, but with her being WHO SHE IS!!!! Hell, I will be the first to tell someone how special I am. So if you are not going to reveal who you are, then keep your feelings off of her blog and HUSHDEFACKUP!!!!
Keep lettin em'know DQ!!!
Now, I don't really know Drama Queen at all, so I don't feel that in responding to the comment that Anon made that I am falling into the categorizing of her average readers--her friends. This is also my first time visiting her blog, the link was on one of my favorite sites, so I had to read some previous posts to make sure that I was correct in thinking your comment was, more or less, unfounded.
I get no impression that Drama Queen needs to go into therapy or that she thinks that what she is saying is the most profound thing on the whole damned internet. She also has never said or implied, as you wrote, that she is "special." It seems that you think that DQ believes that she is addressing issues that no one else does, that she deems the experiences in her life as "unique" (notice, I am using quotes properly and not just for random words that I want to put an emphasis on)--- but she doesn't seem to do that either.
Blogs are, or at least the ones I've read, one person's or a group of people's feelings and observations about their life and the lives around them. The experiences really never are unique; it's the writer's perspective that makes them unique. Reading someone's blog and expecting them not to give their own opinions about their own lives is, quite frankly, ridiculous. What do the writer's or the blogs you read write about?
As for your comments on her actual post, you are completely off. I think what Drama Queen was trying to say is that she knew why the boy wanted to come over and she thought that it was crazy that he thought she would let him. To quote her:
"We haven't gone on so much as one date, I have never even seen what you look like in daylight and you are going to call me at 1:30 in the morning to come over here and chill? !?!?!?!"
I think that's why she italicized the word chill.
And I must say that I ask my friends' opinions on things all the time. Because they are my friends, I value their opinions on matters concerning my life. What kind of people don't allow their friends to comment on and advise them? Obviously people who don't have any friends they trust enough to open up to and allow them to share their thoughts (or, perhaps, you're too afriad of what they might tell you).
It is her life, she doesn't seem to rely on her friends to make decisions, she just wants to know what they think. Obviously you thought she'd want to hear your opinions on the matter, such as they are, so why wouldn't she want to hear theirs?
Lastly, I wasn't aware that people could be seduced into homosexuality. I'll have to ask my gay friends and see if that's what happened to them. If that's the case, maybe they can be seduced back into heterosexuality! That would be awesome! Think of how happy you'd make the Christian right!
Now, to reply to the actual post, I don't think that you over-reacted. It makes perfect sense to not want to have sex with a guy that hasn't spoken to you in a month. If he really wanted to connect with you, he'd do it before Jay Leno and David Letterman sign off for the night.
What up,
You getting Booty Calls in the middle of the night. YA sista said she gets them too. Anyway, holla at you later when I'm around and you contact the ATL from the planet NYC.
HIGHTEEZEE
I have one simple question for you, Mr./Ms. Anonymous. If at the beginning of your response to "Unanswered Booty Call" you surmise that Dramaqueen is just a 25-27 year old lady on the "cusp of real womanhood," and going through all the day to day life happenings, then why even bother responding with such an accusatory tone? Why do you suggest that Dramaqueen need therapy? You mean to tell me that you have that much invested in her well-being? If so, why not stop with the cowardice and go to this person and sit her down in a one-on-one conversation to share your thoughts. It seems that your only intention was to lambaste and embarass Dramaqueen unnecessarily. If, like you say, she is only going through ordinary growing pains, then why recommend her going to something as out of the ordinary as therapy. Honestly, I think therapists get a little too much credit in this "Information Age." I, personally, was raised to cope with problems and inconveniences, not pay someone a ridiculous fee to dose me with cliches and medications. I don't believe Dramaqueen requested that you take your time to read her blogs, yet you did it on your own. I'm not sure that warrants accusations of Dramaqueen using her friends' precious time to work out her problems. Although, the definition of friend is, in part, to be there for the opposite party when needed. I don't know, I suppose I just find it horribly sad that you would feel that your response should be taken to heart. Why should it, seeing as you aren't even able to identify yourself? Are you afraid of the backlash from the mutual friends you and Dramaqueen apparently have? I'm also unsure as to how you concluded that what you decided to say was TRUTH. Yes, people go through things. As I understand it, blogs are for the purpose of creating something out of the things you go through. It can be in the form of poetry, stories, or diary entries. I also am of the understanding that these aren't meant to be judged by others. Maybe you ought to think about who you are before you start to take up that post of such judgement against someone else. Especially when you only seem to be a friend of a friend. Just think before you speak next time, that's all.
Peace.
I'ma put in MY TWO CENTS as I'm older, much.
The only problem I see is that you need to be more honest with your own desires. Were you sweatin' him in the beginning because you really thought he was nice, or because you wanted some (which is fine). That was the way he saw it (if she's sweatin' me, she must want some, so I'll save her for later (whenever). If you made any mistake, it was to let the convo go that far. How about "NO you can't (insert your word) me at 1:30 in the morning. Since I know what you want, you can wait for ME to call you. Later."
Women of ALL ages need to be frank. When I wanted a booty call, I made the move. Then I had no regrets cause there were no illusions. In the relationship I'm in now (a decade), I (quietly) made the rules.
This may sound corny, but women still set the standards for men's behavior. Be honest, put forth what you want to get back, and you'll be fine.
No, I ain't tellin' you what to do. But don't be amazed by men. The movie you were just in doesn't have any alternative endings, that's all. And since you know the ending, shorten the plot. :)
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