What Are You?
So, I was working tonight at the bar and I had group of older guys sit down. They started talking, and of course, flirting. I was smiling and being witty (translation: shucking and jiving for tips) as usual, when one of them asked me what I was:Him: What are you?
Me: Excuse me?
Him: You know, what's your background? Are you Brazilian?
Me: I'm Black.
Him: And what else?
Me: Just Black.
Him: You're not part Mexican or Spanish or anything?
Me: Nope, just Black.
Him: Wow, you look like you're mixed with something. You're so pretty.
This bothered me tremendously. No offense to anyone who is comprised of multiple ethnicities, but why do people think it is such a compliment to be multi-ethnic? And I'll go here too: why was the "pretty" comment followed by "I thought you were mixed"?
We have a problem here.
For as long as I can remember, people have asked me these types of questions. My friends in high school would actually tell me to tell people that I had "Indian in my family" so that guys would think I was exotic or something, which basically meant prettier than the other girls. Now I am sure that there was some race-mingling a ways back in my family, but I identify myself as a Black woman. Plain and simple. It saddens me, however, that being just plain old Black isn't as appealing as being "mixed". The guy in the aforementioned example was not Black, but Black men are just as guilty. How many songs have I heard with Black artists giving shout-outs to all the Black/Asian beauties, or the Black/Cuban chicks, or the light-skinned honey with light eyes. Have your preference, but geez, don't influence all the brothas!
As a people, we have always had color complex problems - if it ain't light, it ain't right. But I refuse, in 2005, to claim four different ethnicities just to make some guy think he has found the hidden treasure of all women.
Maybe that's it. The more ethnicities you have, the more unique you are.
Right.
I have actually gone through great pains to find out all about my heritage. And to be honest, there were a few nice and naughty slave owners that thought no one would notice if the newest slave baby came out a little light. That's it.
I am a Black woman. And I'm beautiful. But not because I'm Black, but because when my Black parents' genes came together and had a meeting on how I should look, they came up with some pretty good ideas.
It's that simple: there it is, in black and white.
posted by DramaQueen @ 1:54 AM
8 Comments:
AMEN!!! I wrote about the same thing!!! My sister thinks she is ugly because she isn't lighter than she is!!! What is wrong with people? Where did it become a standard of beauty to have to be "mixed" in order to be beautiful? Thank you for speaking on this. People are just ignorant. And the thing is, he probably didn't see what the problem was with what he said. He probably thought that you would be "flattered" that he assumed you were mixed. You are a beautiful black woman and there is no race of people who look better than us. We are unique. And I really appreciate your answer to him. People need to understand that we COME IN DIFFERENT SHADES!!!! UGH!!!!
p.s. - thank you for your comments on my blog. I feel the same way!!
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You ain't never lied. And as someone who might be considered light please tell me when did skin color become an indicator of personality and/or character traits. I think not. I'm black just like my darker brothers and sisters. Ain't nobody ever gonna look at me and think I'm not. Lots of days I get confused for Dominican. Sorry No Hablo Espanol.
Girl it's just indicative of how ignorant folks are. That why you regulate and keep it moving.
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as concerns the actual man you mentioned in your post who made the statement that so disappointed you, i have nothing to say that others don't also immediately think. what i do want to comment on is this pathology among blacks. you see, i am not surprised at all when people who are not black say things of this nature. by far, the most heartbreaking is when this sickness spews from the mouth of other black people. i always say, no one ever breaks my heart like other black people break my heart. and the excuses or justifications that abound trying to convince us all that the ill-considered favor blacks have for blacks with lighter skin make me even more ill. time is out, don't we all agree, for making up excuses wherein whites sickened us in this way. and i have to say, here, that i have dark skin. that must be qualified: i am not a righteously indignant black person with light skin angry about the ways the darker blacks are treated, no. i am the entity in question. that stated, it isn't just black men. it is not. every time another black person looks at me and says "you are so beautiful..." but with a face full of woe, i am seam-ripped. why sadness? well they can hardly believe that my features have to reside on skin of such "pitch." 'poor thing,' their knitted brow tells me, 'if only she were a few shades lighter.'
lord. i have to stop. because, obviously, i could go on and on...and probably shall on my own blog...it being rude to take up so much of your commenting space with my own wrestlings when what most people want to hear (i guess) is just how good their own ideas were expressed. and this was a very, very interesting read. but things that concern this line of thinking always interest me a great deal.
if anyone is further interested, and aren't already aware of it, Wallace Thurman's "The Blacker the Berry" is a beautiful novel taking up this perplexing inner-pathology...inner as in among black people themselves, not those outside of us. it is brilliant. very short and never a sentence wasted.
good provoking and energizing post, DQ. my kind of blogging, this! love, T
Fuego, you eloquently hit it on the head. I read the Thurman book some years back and he put a wonderful magnifier on the ignorance of our color struck folk and the damage it causes.
It's a special kind of sickness black folks have. And no matter how much "progress" we make, black folks will always hold on the the worst parts of themselves.
It's so damn depressing.
WORD.
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