SoulSurvivor

Christmas in May

Hmmm...I know I haven't written in a while. Maybe that is because everything from the last post still pertains. I haven't been feeling very inspired these days...*sigh*

I feel a transition coming into my life like Christmas...only it is May! Bring it on already! I am restless and antsy....

Lately I've been feeling the need to get out and meet people...step outside of my comfort zone...escape the "routine" (for lack of a better word) that I am in.

I have to be cautious about starting new relationsips of any kind, be them friendly or more than friendly, male or female because, I get way ahead of myself. I have a sense of who can enter my psyche from the moment I meet them...and they don't always feel the same way....at least, not right away. I'm not saying I'm psychic or anything, but I just know when someone is supposed to be in my life, be it for a reason a season or a lifetime (and that's the part that is not always so clear).

I'm in that phase in my life where I am starting to go over my current relations with a fine-tooth comb...why are you in my life? Why am I in yours?

Ok, enough with the vague revelations.

I'm a little lonely... more than a little horny... and supremely agitated at everything from my diet and lack of sleep, to the fact that I know I am wrong for asking the Lord to please bless me with ability to just go shopping and not care about how much I spend.

And as a general note to self - I gotta do better. In a lot of things.

I really do love my life...kind of like I love my period. I love the fact that it makes me all woman, but for about four or five days out of a month, it can really suck a fat one.

posted by DramaQueen @ 5:54 PM 2 comments

Boiling Point

The flames are high. I am definitely at boiling point.

I am a worrier. I worry about everything, to the level of physical illness. Which is bad, cuz I hate doctors and hospitals.

I don't have room in my brain for everything that wants to reside in there, be it temporarily or forever and a day, or anything in between.

I have frazzled myself into an eerie sense of calm. It is unbelievable. Have I tricked myself into thinking that my faith is that strong or steadfast? Maybe it's not a trick, and I am finally able to achieve this euphoria that spirit-filled people refer to as Faith.

I don't even inhale and exhale anymore. All I ever do these days is gasp and sigh. Sometimes I'm not even sure what day of the week it is. But as promised, I have gotten better with age. Because now, in the midst of all this stress and uncertainty, I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Even if I don't want to believe that I actually see that light, I force myself. Because I will bubble over with anxiety if I don't.

I purge in small amounts when I get opportunities, such as this one. Because Anxiety is a Sleep Thief. It is a Control Thief. I cannnot and will not let it get the best of me.

Tommorrow is a new day.

*SIGH*

There I go again.

posted by DramaQueen @ 6:20 PM 3 comments